Ninety-Nine to One

I was lost, broken, and defeated. Notice how I used the word “was?” It is a past tense verb, indicating that you do not have to remain in your past. In Luke Chapter 15, in the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the sheep is found. My friend, I was the lost sheep. For years it was an immense struggle. I am certain we have all experienced times like that. I blamed God for my life and the mental dissatisfaction from poor decisions I made. That was me wrestling with God for most of my life. I was rarely content and blamed God for life’s shortcomings. We do have the ability to change our own lives. I mistakenly believed that I had everything under control and that I would wake up one day completely different. I learned the hard way. Years later, I realized that Jesus truly did leave ninety-nine sheep to find me, the one lost, and lead me back to Him.

I had fallen away from the church a couple of years before God guided me back like the lost sheep that I was. I did not see it coming. God turned my whole world upside down to get my attention because He knew that was what it would take. I had no idea God would pull me from the depths and give me another chance. Finally, wanting me to walk with Him, showing me His ways. It came with a hard lesson though, and one I will never forget.

At that time, I was employed in the healthcare field, taking care of loved ones. I had worked nearly 50 hours over three consecutive days. The facility was short-staffed due to employees sick with Covid-19, and we had numerous patients with Covid-19 as well. I do not recall feeling extremely tired upon getting off from work, but as I neared home, tiredness set in. Approximately two miles from my home, I fell asleep at the wheel while traveling around 70 mph and collided head-on with an overhead train trestle. Support beams through my windshield, narrowly missing my head. The steering wheel pinned me at my pelvis. It took rescue departments and the jaws of life approximately three hours to extradite me from my vehicle. Throughout it all I remained conscious. Despite having the entire right side of me broken and needing to relearn how to walk, I was profoundly grateful to be alive.

I recall that after returning home from the hospital, a couple weeks later, I was seated at my makeup table, observing a piece of flesh still hanging from my chin. I broke down in tears. I cried and cried, not because of the superficial scar I would have, but because my life was in utter disarray, mangled and twisted. I called out to God, promising never to let Him down again if He could just show me the way to truly live the life I knew I needed.

I have never looked back. My old life is gone, and the new one is here. I hold myself accountable through my blogging. I am so thankful to have another chance, to express my deepest and most honest stories in a life I took for granted. Allow me to say, if you feel a tugging in your heart or you know you are doing wrong, do not wait. Change now and do not lose hope. Pray and keep praying for direction and guidance. Be silent and listen, for God already knows what is in your heart. I encourage you not to hesitate, as God may find ways to get your attention, and it may not be as gentle as a nudge.

“Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has one hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”
Luke 15: 3-7

Just as I am. Carrie Underwood.